Today I'm taking part in Momastery's Messy Beautiful Warriors Project! Click on the link at the bottom to read other's stories and get more information on the book Carry On Warrior.
Messy, Beautiful Warrior
My name is Monique and I feel like the fear is always there. And I know that it’s never good to say always but it feels like it’s there A LOT and that I spend a good deal of my thought life fighting the fear.
The messy of my life is the fear. On a day to day basis I am pretty sure I don’t come across as a fearful person and that’s not because I’m hiding a bunch of stuff. I’m pretty confident. Pretty confident in my self, my parenting, my teaching, my writing, my business, my marriage - all those things that I feel like I have some measure of control over. I don’t need to be the best but if I am not good at something - I will get good at it (except music, I can’t get good at that one). And that’s not an arrogance thing, it’s an I have Jesus and I was raised to know I can DO anything thing.
But the things I don’t have any control over… the lump on my rib cage, the other driver coming at me on the highway, the person who decides I’m not worth their time, those things stress the hell out of me. I hate the fear that all this undeserved goodness and blessing is going to at some point run out. Even putting words to those fears can throw me into a panic, because what if then they come true?
|Cliffs that will obviously result in death.|
Bill Johnson wrote in his book “Supernatural Power of the Transformed Mind” that “Fear is a deception that blinds you to what is true.” That fear I battle with is just that. It’s a deception that blinds me to the true heart of The Father. To the truth of His goodness and perfect love. It’s also deceptive in that sometimes I don’t even recognize it as fear until it’s turned from a thought seed to a full blown ugly fear weed in my life. I’m starting to learn though that if I am fighting to control something - fear is likely at the root.
In the same book Johnson expands on the verses Philippians 4:6-8 in a way that keeps me coming back time and time again to that passage and has helped me retrain my first response to these fears.
Be anxious for nothing… he says the enemy is constantly lying to us about our circumstances so that we agree with his perspective. We need to learn to interpret those events with a renewed mind. I used to think that I could be all about Jesus and still worry and live with fear, that I just needed to bring that to Him. I do need to bring that to Him but I’ve come to realize that that fear and worry are simply agreeing with the kingdom of hell. There is no middle ground. That truth makes entertaining those thoughts a way more serious. I don't want to agree with those lies.
When I pray with thanksgiving I am able to come back into agreement with the kingdom of heaven where perfect love casts out fear.
And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Johnson explains that the word “guard” literally means to “protect by a military force… to prevent hostile invasion.” He says “there is a place in God for you where you are protected by His peace, and you can live without struggling against the constant bombardment of the enemy’s lies.” That is such a GOOD word!
By living in agreement with heaven I can step out from behind that filter of fear that colours every circumstance in my life. Through prayer with thanksgiving I can be protected by the peace of Christ that literally shields me from the constant lies of the enemy, from the constant fear. That is such good news. Such a beautiful truth.
Quotes from “Supernatural of the Transformed Mind” and it’s accompanying 40 Devotional and Personal Journal by Bill Johnson. You should read it ;)